This Valentine’s Day, Reflect on your Grantmaking “Love Languages”

When was the last time “romance” entered your grantmaking practice? In much the same way that romantic relationships have their ups and downs, some nonprofits and their funders have faced their own rocky patch in the past year. Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to take stock of relationships, and this year it feels especially important to pause and reflect on your relationships with nonprofits.  

Historically, grantmakers have faced challenges in building strong partnerships with the nonprofits they support. For example, according to Candid’s December 2025 survey, there is a major disconnect between how effective foundations think they are as opposed to how the nonprofits they serve would rate them. If understanding your partner is key to a good relationship, many grantmakers are lagging.  

So how can funders improve their nonprofit relationships? Professional fundraisers, masters at relationship-building, would suggest adding some “Romance” – one of the 4 Rs of major gift fundraising. For them, the process of getting to know a major donor is a beautiful, critical, individualized step in the fundraising process. In much the same way as you would woo a partner, fundraisers seek to listen to and, most importantly, understand donors. As the Candid survey illustrates, though, many grantmakers don’t understand the nonprofits they work with.  

At TCC Group, we understand that it takes time and intention to build a blossoming philanthropic partnership, and have shared practices for building grantmaking relationships. But finding the right practice for your organization can be challenging. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, we are here to guide you through one framework you might consider helpful: love languages, or preferred ways of receiving love from a partner. By understanding your grantee partners’ preferred “love languages” as well as your own, you can start finding ways to improve your grantmaking relationships.

Consider the five love languages, and how they can be applied to your grantmaking practice: 

Provide support beyond the dollar! 

Whether it’s picking up your partner from the airport or cooking their favorite meal, an act of service can mean far more than words. In the same way, while grant funds are obviously key in grantmaking relationships, support beyond the dollar may benefit your partnership as much or more than the money itself. Whether it’s in the form of a networking connection or a peer learning community, non-monetary support shows the grantee that you truly care and are thinking of them and their needs.  

Not sure where to start? Start by listening! Understanding your partner’s wants, needs, and aspirations will help ensure the support you provide is worth your time (and theirs).  

Can your gifts go further? 

For funders, gift giving may come most naturally of the love languages listed, but is a big difference between a good gift and a great gift. In the wake of federal funding cuts and uncertain funding environments, nonprofits need all the great gifts they can get. 

What constitutes a great gift? In a romantic relationship, a great gift could be something that your partner not only enjoys but that also contributes to their personal growth. It makes them feel seen. In philanthropy, gifts of multi-year, unrestricted support not only help organizations in the short term but gives them added flexibility and ability to grow. According to the Trust-Based Philanthropy Project, in the best of times, a great gift may foster innovation and risk taking. In the worst of times, it can serve as flexible dollars to keep payroll or vital services afloat.  

Shift your focus from “evaluation” to “learning”

In romantic and grantmaking relationships alike, quality time is not about proximity – it’s about attention. We all know the feeling of talking to someone who isn’t truly present. The conversation can feel one-directional and without meaning. Nonprofits understand when a funder’s reporting requirements are irrelevant and routine, as opposed to curious and individualized.  

No matter your organization’s specific evaluation practice, there are ways to shift to a learning focus. You can engage in conversations with grantees over report forms, thus allowing for nuanced answers and follow-up questions. You can enter conversations with assurance that not meeting certain goals won’t jeopardize their funding. Whatever the changes you make, what’s crucial is to ensure that grantees are leaving conversations feeling clearer, not more anxious, and that you’re leaving with a better understanding of their work, not just an assessment.  

Engage in PDA – Public Displays of Alignment 

In romantic relationships, different people have different appetites for PDA, or public displays of affection. Not everyone wants to be (or should be) that couple kissing on the park bench! But holding hands with your new partner or putting an arm around them at a movie can indicate that you are committed and comfortable in the relationship. The touch is not just about the physical contact, but also the message it sends to your partner and the world.  

In philanthropic partnerships, a little PDA, or public display of alignment, can have the same effect. By championing your grant partner’s work on your website, social media, newsletters, or webinars, you increase their visibility and opportunities to attract new funding and build new connections. You may also find your grant partner interested in returning the favor and highlighting your partnership on their own channels. Sending a message of alignment and partnership to the world can go a long way in enhancing your grantee relationship.  

Be transparent and encouraging with your values and feedback 

Relationships are a two-way street. In any romance, understanding goes both ways. No one wants to wonder how the other person feels, yet grantees are left guessing when it comes to basic information about their funding partner all too often. What is their vision, and how does my work fit into their theory of change? What are their core values? When might I hear about future opportunities? Why was my proposal declined? 

It is important to be honest, explicit, and encouraging in your grantee communications so that you can foster a positive relationship. This can take many forms, such as uplifting strong parts of proposals, having clear and public funding guidelines and values, giving context behind funding decisions, and most importantly, saying thank you.  

So, what’s your grantmaking love language? 

Valentine’s Day may come once a year, but strong grantmaking relationships are built through everyday choices. The goal isn’t to master every love language at once. Start by noticing which ones come most naturally to your organization, and which your grantee partners might be asking for. Then pick one practice to try this year. Listen closely, be explicit, and check in along the way. 

At TCC Group, we work with funders who want to strengthen their relationships with nonprofit partners through more intentional learning and feedback. If you’re interested in exploring what this could look like for your organization, we’d welcome the conversation.